|be thankful|

Be thankful that you don’t already have 
everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be
 to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something, 
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times...during those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,
 because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes...they will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary, because it means you’ve made an effort.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
 A life of rich fulfillment comes to those
 who are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they will become your blessings.

[good reminders are hard to come by.]

The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
–Oriah Mountain Dreamer

.this i believe.

So, I’ve been reading a book called This I Believe. It’s all about individual’s philosophies of life. Famous people…ordinary people…we’re all the same. We have things that drive us and things we believe in regardless of our walk of life. As I was reading, I became inspired to write my own. Throughout the week, I have been keeping track of the little things that play a major part of how I live my life. We all hold simple philosophies that shape our lives and how we live without even realizing it. Anyways, without further ado.

*Stream of Consciousness Has A Way of Making Sense*

I believe that love really can change the world. I believe that when I fall in love, I fall hard and I’m okay with that. I believe that we could get a lot more accomplished in this world if people were more understanding and compassionate. I believe that there are things in life that we are never going to understand. I think that sometimes we have to take a step back before things begin to make sense. I believe that everyone I meet has some effect on my life, whether good or bad. I believe that we have to get over ourselves to make room for bigger things to happen. I believe in integrity and respect. Common sense isn’t as common as it should be. I believe that everyone has at least one thing they’re good at. I believe that sirens are reminders that life is shorter than we can even begin to realize. I believe in telling people how you feel regardless of how hard it may be. I believe that one person can change the world. I believe that by being a teacher, I can make a difference. I believe that sometimes there isn’t a “right” choice. I believe that you can find beauty in everything. I believe that you should always stand up for what you believe – even if that means you are standing alone. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in first impressions and second chances. I believe in life- what it does to you, and what you do back. I believe that the battle between your head and heart isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I believe that sometimes you just have stop worrying and say, “whatever happens, happens.” I believe that there is always a plan regardless of how chaotic and messy things appears.

What do you believe?

...something i've forgotten about...

i found this picture buried in the other files on my computer. i'd forgotten all about this. i used to feel like this picture was a pretty close representation to how my life was, but now i feel like it couldn't be further from the truth. oh, the little reminders...

writer's block.

I’ve learned there is nothing worse than sitting in front of a blank screen with so much to say and not knowing where to even begin. How do writers do it? It’s so incredibly aggravating to have so much to say and not be able to say it. It doesn’t matter if it’s the fear of making your thoughts known, knowing that no one will understand, or not having the ability to verbalize how you feel. There are so many words, so many thoughts. Where do you even begin?

saying goodbye to the past 4 years.

Two weeks. Really? 2 weeks ago, I uprooted my life again to move back to Ft. Wayne. Why? Because it made the most sense. My family is here. My boyfriend is here. My make-believe job is here. So, the better question became why not. As weird as it sounds, Muncie became my home. It became the place that I fit. I found my niche and it may not have been ideal, but it worked. I was content. I am always aiming to be content and realized that I finally found it. But alas, July 31st came and what a rainy, crappy day it was. The loathing of moving and unpacking commenced as usual. Fast-forward about two weeks and here we are.

However, I never could have imagined how hard it would be to say goodbye to a place that has been home for so long. The past 4 years have been full of so many hello and too many goodbyes. I thought I was done with that. It’s almost as though I am saying goodbye to a part of my life. This life that is full of great memories, amazing friends who became like family, and a bit of me. Now that I’m gone, I have never felt more alone. My friends that became my family are scattered all around the country. These memories have become photographs that will get looked through when I’m feeling nostalgic. The piece of me that I left in Muncie will stay there. It’s in papers that I wrote that will be passed on to future student teachers, the gum I left on the gum tree, my footprints that were left around campus. But now that I’ve graduated and moved, it’s time. Time to figure out how to make the life I lived merge and continue in the life I now live. I don’t know how to do it yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever figure it out, but I sure hope I do.

I realize that this whole thing may sound selfish, whiny, and self-centered, but I don’t care. For once, I am taking time to focus on me and the people/things I need around me. I’ve come to find that you never know how lucky you are until you get to a place where you are forced to realize that you are a combined effort of everyone you have ever met. Without the people I have met, I don’t know where I would be today.

it's like getting hit in the head with a 2x4

so a few years ago, i had a friend tell me about this metaphor of getting hit with a 2x4 by God. i always thought it was a weird concept, but you don't fully understand it until you have it happen to you. this wake up call of sorts. God's wake up call. i assure you that it happens when you least expect it and typically when you need it the most. what a great God.
i woke up this morning feeling disappointed and i'm sure i am to blame for this weird mood. when my brain is on overdrive from trying to overthink every single second of my life, i grow disappointed. disappointed that i can't figure out what to do, how to proceed.
so, after sending tyler off to work, i started checking my e-mail/facebook, i was overwhelmed with comments of well wishes and prayers for tyler and i. i can't even begin to explain how grateful he and i are for these. as i keep perusing, i find that a friend of mine has posted a link to another blog. if you know anything about me, i LOVE blogs. love getting a peek into someone's life. this particular blog details a little girl's, daisy, battle with cancer. (http://prayfordaisy.tumblr.com/) This little six year old girl is battling a tumor the size of a nerf football. i am so awe struck to see this little girl still so full of life after all she's been through. they recently posted a video showing their journey over the past 7 months. at the end, they share that there is no trace of cancer left in her body. how amazing! they talk about how daisy was recently spinning a globe and kissing it. when asked why she was doing this, she told her parents that she was kissing everyone who was praying for her. i continued reading with a mix of tears and goosebumps at how trusting this family is. as i finish reading, i see a new update from 9 hours ago. it reads- "Just found out that my daughter’s (Daisy-6) cancer is back. The tumor is huge. We are still in the ER and devastated, but trusting Jesus."

this is about the time the 2x4 came. how is it this family when facing such a trial can turn their face to God with an open mind and open heart? yet here i am, stuck and feeling pity for myself. disappointed that i can't control my own life. but here i am, i have an amazing support system full of family and friends who are praying and praying for me that i will discover that things are going to be okay. God will provide. i may not be exactly what i want, but maybe it's time to just surrender and let things happen as they are supposed to. there is only so much that i can do. the rest is up to God.

letting go and letting God.
cj.